There I was in Quarzazate, Morocco (the door to the Sahara Desert) the sand storms were blowing through and the hotel front desk instructs us NOT to open the glass doors that lead outside…why not I ask? They tell me scorpions will come in. …Well okay then…. KILL ME NOW! Then they tell us to take the sheets off the bed before getting in…. Why, I ask? Because their may be scorpions in your bed….YAY! I quickly learn how to sleep standing up in the bathtub filled with water…..I try to get some sleep….CLEARLY that didn’t work.
The next day, tired and hotter then Ricky Martin on Miami beach we head to set. The set we are shooting at is a biblical movie with Jesus and Judas (the characters not the real people – I’m not that old). I quickly hired a private Roman Soldier to walk with me and keep me shaded at all times.....as you can see he did NOT know how to keep me shaded....I fed him to the lions. It was so bloody hot that I was practically going to pass out…I’m not kidding it was over 110 degrees every single day! While waiting for talent to arrive, I decide to take a rest and get gently fanned …What? Don’t judge!
While getting fanned, I hear a crewmember walking towards me. Before I could get up, in walks that crew member, and sees me laying there….FINE. It’s not like I was wearing a loincloth or my cheerleading outfit. I said hi, I’m Ettore, he says hi, I’m Frank…blah blah blah…yadda yadda yadda..,,we exchange a few words and then the conversation BEGINS. He asks me how I like the script etc. etc? I, of course, being raised a good Catholic (except for the time that I got caught – well never mind, that’s a different story) had a few things to say about the location of where Judas betrayed Jesus….was it the Garden of Olives, was it Mount Olives was it at The Olive Gardens? I insisted (and I do mean INSISTED) that it was MOUNT Olives not the Garden of Olives. After a very long discussion of me telling him the story of Christ as well as Judas’s kiss of betrayal, amongst many other religious tidbits. Another crewmember approach’s us and say’s..... “Father Frank, you are needed on set regarding a line in the script” GULP! ....…Of all people to be debating and retelling the Bible to was not only a Father, but also the Father who executive produced the Movie!
After a few hours Father Frank did come back and we finished our conversation. I of course told him that when I return home I WILL look up my facts and get back to him…. we laughed…..then I went and had a smoke with Jesus and Judas….THAT was the best cigarette break I have EVER taken in my life…Me, Jesus and Judas talking shop (note: I’ve stopped smoking since - they told me it’s not good for my heath and if you can’t trust Jesus who can you trust….Judas???)?
So what did I learn from all this? Words are like pieces of sand…..they are still and lifeless until a gust of hot air blows them everywhere and above all...... Fashion is everything!!
Until next time….
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